Day 6

Things have gone pretty good so far. The first couple days were the most difficult simply because we didn't have good food in the house, but I've been shopping and now we have tons of healthy stuff to eat. One of the great things about being on WW is that I'm preparing good meals and we have eaten all our evening meals at the table together. I'm embarrassed to say that wasn't always happening before, but it is now!

Weight Watchers is based on a "point" system. Depending on how much you weigh, your gender, age, height, activity level, and a few other things, you are allotted a certain amount of points per day. Food is rated a certain amount of points based on calories and fiber compared to fat. There are other things involved in the program, but that's the basics. It's as important to eat all your points as it is to not go over them. The last several days I've ended up being hungry for part of the day, then finding that I still had points that I needed to fulfill before I went to bed. I need to figure out how to balance that out. I debated which was worse, going to bed soon after eating, or not using all my points. Today I'm going to get my points in before 8 PM. Eventually I'll make that 7 PM, but for now 8 will be good.

When I went to WW on Saturday I stayed after the regular meeting for a new member meeting. There was another young women, whom I will talk about later, and me, both of us are "returning" members. The leader commented that generally when people come to Weight Watchers it's because something occurred that was the "last straw." I've been thinking about that a lot. What was it that made me get up and go on Saturday morning? I don't think there was one final thing that did it. I've been thinking about going again for awhile, but I always feel guilty about spending the money on myself, although I know that in the long run, it's really not just for myself, my family benefits from it too. Weight is something I deal with every single day, constantly. However, there have been a few things that have been weighing heavy (no pun intended) on my mind.

A month or two ago my husband and I had free tickets to see Barry Manilow's new show at the Paris Theatre, here in Vegas. Okay, so Barry Manilow might not be U2 (I know, that dates me too), but he wrote the songs, man! Anyway, when we got there I couldn't fit in the seats. I knew it could happen, but I can usually wedge myself uncomfortably into chairs and endure it for an hour, but it just wasn't happening that night. I don't know how to describe all the thoughts and feelings that were running through my head and heart. First, I was humilited for myself, but more than that, I was so embarrassed for Brian. I knew that he was really looking forward to seeing the show, and if I left he wouldn't stay. I considered asking an usher if I could just stand in the back, or bring a regular chair in, but I finally just begged Brian to stay and watch the show while I waited in the casino for him. Since we were there on free tickets, I really didn't feel like I could ask for anything. Keep in mind, this conversation is going on with people sitting around us, watching, being disgusted (my assumption) at this fat lady that was too big to even fit in a seat. I don't know that I've ever had a more low point, regarding my size. I felt like a complete waste of flesh, useless, less than zero. I can handle how people feel about me and how my weight affects me in other ways, but when it runs over into my family....that's when it's really devastating.

By the way, as I was leaving the theatre I decided to talk to an usher. She was gracious and found me a seat that was larger and moved Brian next to me, and the show was great. But here we are in Las Vegas, the entertainment capital of the world, or so some say, and I can't take advantage of it because I might not be able to sit in the seats! How sick is that. So that was one of the straws.